Last year, at this time, my support group of fellow widows was ending. This is post from that time.
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That last few meetings of our group were tributes to our dead spouses. The tributes could be a video, something they wrote, or wore. Anything that one wanted to share with the group about the person they loved. This is a post from that time.
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For the first time since his memorial,
I watched the video that our nanny made for us.
And I
See
How
Much
I’ve
Lost,
How
Much
The
Kids
Have
Lost,
How
Much
His
School
Has
Lost.
It’s all so deeply, black-holey and sad
That it makes me wonder
If there is a God.
It makes me wonder
how I will ever
Allow this to be
Only just
A point in my
Life.
It makes me wonder
How will I
Not
Let
It
Swallow
Me
Whole.
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That's it. Exactly.
ReplyDeleteThe loss of This One Person is enough to swallow me whole.
Most days, I cope. I get through each day. Mostly for the kids.
But when I think of exactly what I've lost, the tears prick my eyes and the strength goes out of my body and I crumple to the floor.
DD - *
ReplyDeleteThis encompasses my thoughts precisely. At 4 1/2 months out, I can't imagine how this is NOT going to swallow me whole. However, I know I have to work through each hour, each day, each week because he gave me the blessing of a beautiful, vibrant son who is a true gift each day I wake up. Without him, I am not sure I would muster the strength or courage to even try to get through each day.
ReplyDeleteDo you feel the same way now??
ReplyDeleteAnonymous...I can't speak for Kim, but I know she is growing and thriving at the same time as she continues to grieve her loss. Take a look at last week's post called the Guilt of the Happy Widow. I think that will give you an idea of where Kim is right now. Thanks for asking, and thanks for checking in as a part of this community. None of us would have chosen this group, but there are amazing people here.
ReplyDelete