Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Waiting For the Other Shoe ....
... to drop .... and land right on my head.
Or, rather, on my life.
That's where I find part of my mind these days.
Not a large part, but still ....
Funny (or really, not funny at all), my mind rarely, if ever, went there in my "before".
I enjoyed my life, our life, without wondering when it would go to hell in a hand basket.
I felt blessed that our children, all six of them, were healthy .... and didn't wonder when that would end.
I made plans with my husband about our future .... never once doubting that there would be one.
I could give my children a kiss and send them back to college .... or just off on an errand .... and not consider that it that might be the last time I see them.
I could watch a young couple playing in the park with their small children .... without wondering if they realized that could be the last day they were a family.
I could see a father with his daughter .... and not question whether he's going to be there to walk her down the aisle.
I could attend my son's football game alone .... never once thinking that I'd really be doing it alone one day.
There seem to be an infinite number of times I enjoyed my life .... without waiting for that other shoe.
I don't think about it every day.
And I am able to enjoy life again, without wondering when the next wave will knock me down.
But there are moments .... quiet, sneaky little moments that creep on on me ..... and make me look over my shoulder to see if my past is repeating itself.
Moments when I'm enjoying an evening with someone new ..... and then suddenly wondering how much longer he's going to live.
Posted by Janine at 12:01 AM