Thursday, October 6, 2011


....are not the same without Greg there with us.

Two weeks ago, the kids and I holidayed at a little island just to the north of where we live. It's a cheap and cheerful sort of place and only an hour away from home.

We've always holidayed at this island.
Greg taught the kids to ride bikes along its many bike paths, and he showed them how to use a shovel to make enormous sand castles.
I taught the kids to boogie board on the little waves on the surf-side of the island.
We stayed in the same house every year and made more and more memories.

This year, we holidayed in a different house. My parents came with us - Dad brought the fishing gear and Mum just made things happy.
We went fishing: the kids both caught lots of fish.
We went walking along the trails and the kids rode their scooters to new parks.
We examined strange animals washed up on the beach and we spent an entire morning at the new island museum.

But it wasn't the same.

It wasn't completely awful though ... we just made new memories and reminded ourselves that it is OK to relax even if it isn't the same as before.....


  1. Thinking of you and the kids as you forge new paths.

  2. No, Amanda, holidays are not so holly, merry nor happy anymore. It's hard to not compare them to what was, but that is in the past, and we will make new memories. I, too, still travel to where we spent lovely sailing days, and that is where I left some of my husbands ashes. I feel closest to him while on the water, so that is where I go with sailing friends (thank goodness for them). They do understand, it's that draw of the water and wind that pushes us forward to whatever our fate may be.

  3. Wow. I can't top the above comment, it's excellent. All I will add is that I finally was healed enough to go on vacation this summer to a city I had never been to with my husband, and it actually helped me that we had no memories there. I realized how much of my energy it takes to live in the same town, the same house, look at the empty chair, etc. after that vacation. Because he is everywhere here. It's bittersweet. Maybe you can try a new destination next time? It's hard, because you want to hold them close, but it helps.

  4. We used to go to Lake George, NY every year for a few days. There is a fleet of steamships we would buy tickets for and have a tour around the lake. We would have our picture taken every year, we have pictures from when we were first dating in '95, then as the years went on and we added to our collection it was so funny because having four children there were several pictures where we were pregnant, then the next picture had a baby, then baby and pregnant, then babies, then babies and pregnant....and so on...we always laughed about it as we showed off these pictures to people. The last picture, and our last trip there was '09.
    I can never go back to Lake George. I don't think I could be strong enough. And all these wonderful pictures I have of us through the years, they are so priceless, but also one of the most painful of all the memories. We had talked about making sure we were going to get that family picture for many many years to come. No matter what we were all doing or where our children ended up, we wanted to always get that picture every year, all of us together, at the steamship in Lake George. Now the line of pictures stop at 2009.
    I wish sometimes that I could be strong enough to go back because our youngest didn't get to experience it like the older three, but just imagining being there again without him, or getting that picture without him...the vacation would not be the same. And without him there, my youngest wouldn't have the same experience the older three did anyway. We are now going to new places when we go away, places we have never been, no memories of being there before..
    I am glad you all had a nice vacation, I can imagine how emotional it must have been, but it sounds like it was a well deserved break for all of you. Glad you had fun. (((Hug)))

  5. Why can't my life be happy again.My husband Gary died three years ago.All I have in life is my daughters and there kids.My one daughter lives my herself with her daughter.My other daughter and her two boys live with me.I hate so bad.Please help Linda

  6. Hang in there Linda. I know how very hard this is, and that it seems like it will never get better. Just take one day at a time, and keep coming back here. Read the back posts. You will see how far the bloggers have come, and you will also see that we still love our late spouses fiercely. Slowly but surely you will learn to live. Hold on. Just hold on.

  7. Some days I don't think I can Gary was the strong one.Why did they leave us? I need Gary so bad.Thanks for the comment Linda P.S Have a nice Christmas and Happy-new year.Hope this year is a better one for all of us.