My son needs to have an endoscopy done under general anaesthetic next week.
I have not told the small boy yet.
It's a relatively minor procedure as these things go, but the thought of my little 7 year old man being probed and prodded whilst knocked out terrifies me.
The specialist who is doing this exploratory procedure will hopefully have some answers to help the boy who has had reflux since he was a baby.... reflux that has grown worse over the past two years and which sees him vomit several times a day, or constantly need to spit out mouthfuls of semi-digested food.
It could be a reaction to grief. It could be an allergy. It could be cancer. It could be habit.
... but the surgery was not deemed "urgent" so I think the paediatric gastroenterologist is leaning toward allergy and is ruling out other causes.
That worry aside, I have another worry ..... my parents are going interstate the following day (my brother's wife is sick and they need to help them).
Which means that if there are complications .... we are on our own.
There should be two parents around to organise the logistics of getting one child to hospital by 6:30am and the other to school by 8am.
There should be two parents to share the worry and talk it through out of earshot of the small boy and his sister.
There should be two parents who can hug each other tight and mutter that everything will be fine.
....and there should be two parents who can make this child feel protected, safe and OK about going to hospital
I am not meant to be doing this alone....