Thursday, October 13, 2011

Not meant to be doing this alone

photo from here

My son needs to have an endoscopy done under general anaesthetic next week.

I have not told the small boy yet.

It's a relatively minor procedure as these things go, but the thought of my little 7 year old man being probed and prodded whilst knocked out terrifies me.

The specialist who is doing this exploratory procedure will hopefully have some answers to help the boy who has had reflux since he was a baby.... reflux that has grown worse over the past two years and which sees him vomit several times a day, or constantly need to spit out mouthfuls of semi-digested food.

It could be a reaction to grief. It could be an allergy. It could be cancer. It could be habit.

... but the surgery was not deemed "urgent" so I think the paediatric gastroenterologist is leaning toward allergy and is ruling out other causes.

That worry aside, I have another worry ..... my parents are going interstate the following day (my brother's wife is sick and they need to help them).

Which means that if there are complications .... we are on our own.

There should be two parents around to organise the logistics of getting one child to hospital by 6:30am and the other to school by 8am.

There should be two parents to share the worry and talk it through out of earshot of the small boy and his sister.

There should be two parents who can hug each other tight and mutter that everything will be fine.

....and there should be two parents who can make this child feel protected, safe and OK about going to hospital

I am not meant to be doing this alone....


  1. no you are not. Greg: if you are listening, please show up so clearly there is no mistaking you are there.

  2. I am so sorry you and your son and his sister are having to deal with this. It certainly is not easy. Please know good thoughts come your way and I hope there is a good friend who can be there for you and your family at this time.

  3. None of us are meant to do this alone... it sucks that we all have to. We do have each other for support, it's not the same, but it is a comfort!
    Good thoughts and prayers to you and your kids..

  4. know that i will be sending all my positive energy and thoughts to you as your family goes thru this. it's hard to parent solo...i so feel this post and know pain and worry similar to yours. these are the times when i wish the support we give through words could be support we give by picking up kids, making meals, and being an ear on the phone that is near by.

  5. I am sorry that you dealing with this at all but to do it alone is so very hard. Parenting alone is hard alone when the issues are not so big -- breaking curfew, boyfriend woes, etc. But to do with a health issue and not have your partner with whom you would consult and confer seems so very wrong. Prayers going out to you, your daughter and your little boy -- I hope that his health concerns are resolved easily and quickly.

  6. Amanda,
    You are not meant to be doing this alone, but you are, and you can. We do what we must do, day by day, and somehow get through our challenges to the next day.

    What about your daughter going to a friends house the night before, perhaps a classmate? That would be one less worry for you. Don't jump to conclusions about what might be wrong with your son, wait for the tests to confirm whatever it is. Don't dwell on what it might be, no sense in adding more worry.

    I'll be thinking about you and sending positive energy to you and your family. You are not alone.

  7. Every little extra thing can seem so overwhelming. If it's any comfort, endoscopy is not done under general, it is twilight sleep, and he won't feel a thing. I know the tendency to jump straight to cancer after all we have been through, but most likely it's not. Maybe hiatal hernia or allergy? Don't torture yourself. If child number two has to miss school that day and go with you no one would blame you.

  8. Doing anything alone is bad, but when it comes to the holding and the reassuring that everything will be okay, stinks! My granddaughter got real sick this summer (acute kidney failure, on diaylsis for 10 days) and I was driving 150 miles to the hospital on the weekends to be with her. I wanted my husband to be with me so bad. I carried on a complete conversation with him while I was in the car! I made it thru it, alone, but I made it. So can you. (((Hugs)))

  9. Good luck, A. I will be thinking of you and your darlings.

  10. Thanks all,
    I still haven't told him and am dreading it.
    .... but it didn't help that the hospital rang me Thursday morning to run through the risks of a general anaesthetic with me ....