Monday, October 18, 2010

"The Widow"

At Church on Saturday evening we heard a reading from the Bible that included a widow. As the lector read the word "widow," she changed the inflection of her voice. Later, during the sermon, our priest talked at length about the widow in the parable we'd just heard. Every single time he said the word, I cringed. He changed his tone too. There was an implied sense of fragility that I found myself wanting to reject whenever the widow was mentioned. In addition to the implied weakness was a shadow of sorrow that irked me. Sorry, I was sitting in Church seriously annoyed.

My brain started to tune out the sermon, and try as I might I could NOT pay attention to the lesson at hand. Instead I started parading all the widowed people I know across the front of the Church. Each time the word widow was mentioned I resisted the image being implied of a needy, teary, helpless woman and imagined the widowed skydivers, rock climbers, runners and bikers, single widowed parents who manage a family alone, people who honor the love they shared with their spouse by raising money for causes, founding organizations, writing down their most intimate fears and hopes so that others like them won't feel so alone. By the time the homily was over I filled the Church with the widowed people who inspire me to keep reaching higher, loving deeper, and giving more than I ever knew was possible before I survived the loss of my husband. You guys looked great!

The thing is I was once needy, scared, dependent, teary, and at times pretty sure I was helpless. But that was only one part of this grief journey. When I hear the word widow I don't think about the first weeks after someone loses their spouse, because in my opinion those early days are not the most difficult part of this experience. The hard part is picking up the pieces and reconciling yourself to the fact that the picture of your life will never again be the same. Which is not to say that life is over, however much we may wish that were true sometimes. Eventually we learn the beauty of the mosaic....taking the pieces and creating a whole new picture with what we have in front of us. The resulting image will not be the same, but it can be perfect none the less.

11 comments:

  1. Thanks for giving me a hopeful thought...today is the 4 month anniversary of losing my husband and I'm still in the hopeless, needy, teary, stage, but am looking towards a day when I can feel as strong as you.

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  2. I also went to mass and heard the reading of the widow and hated hearing the way she was portraid. It is nearly 4 years for me and I am just now getting back to a "normal" speed.
    I enjoyed your blog.
    sandy

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  3. Although I agree that it may be difficult to hear widows portrayed in a sad, pitiful way, there are still many widows (and their children) across the world who suffer greatly because of their being a widow. I would much better like the "church" to emphasize the care of widows and their children like the verse in the Bible states: James 1:27.

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  4. Wow, I got a completely different view. My priest talked about how gutsy this persistent widow was to speak up for herself in a male dominated society. He talked about how the Hebrew word for widow was related to the word voiceless but this widow didn't think of herself as voiceless.

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  5. Amen! I once was a "victim" of widowhood, but now am empowered by my experience and amazed at all the things I can do by and for myself and my young children!
    This weekend, my church spoke about widows and orphans but the pastor encouraged the congregation to help these two groups in new ways.

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  6. "The hard part is picking up the pieces and reconciling yourself to the fact that the picture of your life will never again be the same. Which is not to say that life is over, however much we may wish that were true sometimes. Eventually we learn the beauty of the mosaic....taking the pieces and creating a whole new picture with what we have in front of us."

    YES. Exactly this. Thank you.

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  7. I still can not believe how society see widows. As a woman, I always feel like how do I present myself, ms, or mrs. I really wish we had a way to define ourselves differently so people could see that we do not all resemble the widows protrayed in this way. And we could see each other without having to go into a long explanation! I know for me I do not feel single, but I am not married either. I feel stronger than other people in some ways, but need help in other ways. But what irks ne the most is peopke seeing widows as just old people without kids!

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  8. Thanks, needed this today. I ended up walking out of church on Sunday - the focus of our sermon was on disappointment, and I had just been through 2 ridiculously disappointing weeks (that included among other things the death of 2 of my best friends/mentors and the death of my boss's 4 year old son and what would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary if my husband hadn't died 21 months ago). I definitely had moved past annoyed to pissed off and I knew if I stayed I would sob uncontrollably (again). I wasn't in a place to be able to turn it around as you did, but I did need the reminder today that I CAN do that. And that I am not just the sum of my circumstances. Really needed to hear about the mosaic - gives me lots to ponder today. Thanks again.

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  9. We also had the widow sermon, but I must admit I was encouraged as our sermon focused on the persistent widow not giving up and eventually getting what she needed. But aside from the translation - your words of the mosaic is so true and I think we can all gain insight from it where ever we may be in our "widow" journey.

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  10. This is such a powerful truth!

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  11. Some are born to lead, others to follow and a few to inspire. I find what you have done for youself, your dear friend Michelle (my daughter) and only time will tell how many hundreds of others, remarkable. You are inspirational Michele. I thank you for your spirit and the wonderful way you have shared it.

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